Choosing to divorce with dignity through a collaborative divorce is easier said than done. The verb “choose” implies that the person doing the choosing is making a “free” choice. Yet – unless the divorcing person is a robot or from the planet Vulcan – there are likely to be emotional factors that impinge on a divorcing person’s ability to choose freely.
When someone has been hurt deeply by the person they once loved, the ability to make a rational decision is clouded by pain, sadness and anger. The word “collaborative” may raise some emotional red flags. The very idea of choosing to embark on a collaborative process with the person who hurt you may feel too vulnerable. Or, the concept may feel unjust. So – to make a decision in your own best interests – it is important to learn something about collaborative before rejecting it out of hand. And it is important to get your information from an expert – a divorce professional who has many years of experience.
Resist the temptation to ask for advice from friends and family, or your new boyfriend or girlfriend. Unless these individuals are divorce lawyers well-versed in collaborative, their advice is likely to be unrealistic. Their opinions will be colored by what they have seen on TV, third-hand horror stories they have heard from friends, or their own divorce which may not be relevant to your specific situation.
The Huffington Post article I cited in last week’s blog does a great job of describing how emotions can interfere with a divorcing spouse’s ability to make decisions in his or her own best interest. The article explains how professionals with training and experience in the collaborative process can help clients bring their best thinking to the negotiating table. Here’s the link to that article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brad-reid/a-brief-overview-of-colla_b_10701612.html
© Arnold D. Cribari, 2016
