Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Category: Collaborative Divorce

Why Collaborative Divorce or Mediation?

Huffington Post Divorce Blogger Mark Baer’s latest post is entitled “Is Mediation About Reaching the Same Result in a More Efficient and Economic Manner?” This is a great question, and gets to the heart of an even more basic question, “Why mediation?” In my experience doing collaborative divorce (a form of mediation), the results are far superior to what a judge will decide at trial. In a true mediation process, the parties can shape a result tailored to their specific needs and interests. After 35 years’ experience doing family law litigation and 12 years doing collaborative divorce and mediation, I have found that judges wield a blunt instrument; in mediation, the parties use a scalpel when resolving issues. And, as Mark Baer points out, judges bring their own unconscious biases to the process. Moreover, because the parties in a mediation “own” the result, there is usually very little post-settlement conflict … Read More...

Collaboration is not weakness

Prospective divorce clients often have a concern that utilizing the collaborative process to resolve their divorce may put them in a weak position. Such a client may feel that the other spouse took advantage of him/her during the marriage, so why won’t the other spouse do the same in the collaborative divorce process?

Prospective divorce clients often have a concern that utilizing the collaborative process to resolve their divorce may put them in a weak position. Such a client may feel that the other spouse took advantage of him/her during the marriage, so why won’t the other spouse do the same in the collaborative divorce process?

Collaborative Skills Can Settle Your Divorce or Save Your Life

Dr. Marshal B. Rosenberg in his book entitled “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,” demonstrates the use of peacemaking techniques known as active listening, reframing or looping. When one is engaged in active listening, one listens very carefully to the speaker, and repeats back the gist of the substance of what was said, as well as the emotion expressed by the speaker.

Dr. Marshal B. Rosenberg in his book entitled “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,” demonstrates the use of peacemaking techniques known as active listening, reframing or looping. When one is engaged in active listening, one listens very carefully to the speaker, and repeats back the gist of the substance of what was said, as well as the emotion expressed by the speaker.

Collaborative Divorce Empowers the Client

When I first suggest collaborative divorce to a prospective client, often their initial reaction is fear that suggesting a non-adversarial approach will make them look weak to their spouse. Although they would prefer to work things out reasonably, they are afraid that their spouse will see their reluctance to fight as an opportunity to take unfair advantage of them.

When I first suggest collaborative divorce to a prospective client, often their initial reaction is fear that suggesting a non-adversarial approach will make them look weak to their spouse. Although they would prefer to work things out reasonably, they are afraid that their spouse will see their reluctance to fight as an opportunity to take unfair advantage of them.

Getting Your Spouse on Board with Collaborative

Let’s say you have decided to get a divorce and that the collaborative divorce process makes the most sense to you. But you can’t have a collaborative divorce if your spouse isn’t interested.

Let’s say you have decided to get a divorce and that the collaborative divorce process makes the most sense to you. But you can’t have a collaborative divorce if your spouse isn’t interested.

A Sea Change in Divorce Law

Some 30-odd years ago I chose the profession of law because of a deep-seated respect for our legal system, and a desire to help people. As an idealist, I believed that “the law” – in a democratic republic such as ours – is the sine qua non of a civilized society. Law enables us to substitute words, wisdom and reason for weapons, fisticuffs, or abusive language. The courts administer the law, providing a safe container for conflict.

Some 30-odd years ago I chose the profession of law because of a deep-seated respect for our legal system, and a desire to help people. As an idealist, I believed that “the law” – in a democratic republic such as ours – is the sine qua non of a civilized society. Law enables us to substitute words, wisdom and reason for weapons, fisticuffs, or abusive language. The courts administer the law, providing a safe container for conflict.

We Have A Dream

This was inspired by, and written in honor of, the “I Have a Dream” speech of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., the great work he did in the civil rights movement in the 1960s, and the great work collaborative divorce professionals do today: We have a dream – that divorce lawyers of all kinds remember at all times the words of the Great Emancipator, President Abraham Lincoln, who wrote the following in a note for a law lecture in 1850: “Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser – in fees, expenses and waste of time. As a peacemaker, the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good person. There will still be business enough. Never stir up litigation. A worse person can scarcely be found than one who does this.” We have a … Read More...