Category: Collaborative Divorce

As a divorce attorney – in social situations I am often asked – if I were in need of my own divorce, would I want a collaborative divorce or would I pursue an aggressive divorce? When I probe the questioner I usually find that the question is based on a mistaken assumption. The assumption is that an aggressive approach will enable you to get and keep “more” of what you want out of the divorce. The truth is – unless your goal is to make your lawyer rich – the aggressive approach is probably not in your best interest. An aggressive approach in divorce means “litigation.” Litigation necessitates mountains of paperwork requiring hours and hours of “billable hours” of your attorney’s time. Moreover, in litigation, our adversarial legal system tends to aggravate the situation, increasing the amount of time demanded of your lawyer. The court system looks for the “truth” … Read More...

So you and your spouse have decided that your marriage isn’t salvageable. You both are emotionally bruised and angry. Nevertheless, you would like to dissolve the marriage with as little stress as possible, both for yourselves and for your children. Here are some things to watch out for when choosing a divorce lawyer. In your first consultation, if the attorney says, “We need to file a summons,” ask why. If the answer is “because this is the way we start a divorce,” stop right there. Are you in a true emergency situation? Very few circumstances in a divorce are true emergencies. A true emergency includes physical abuse of any kind, psychological abuse of the children (i.e. a parent being cut off from their children); incessant psychological abuse of you (i.e. constant belittling), or financial abuse (i.e. withholding of money for rent, mortgage, food and/or other necessities). If you find yourself … Read More...

Almost all litigated divorces in Westchester and New York State (i.e. contested divorces through the court system) ultimately get settled, oftentimes “on the courthouse steps.” Unfortunately, in order to get a divorce to the courthouse steps, it takes an enormous amount of time for both lawyers to provide all of the necessary professional services. This results in high legal fees. Since litigated divorces almost always get settled, doesn’t it make sense to focus on settlement at every step in the divorce process to reduce divorce costs? That is exactly what happens in the collaborative divorce process in Westchester and NY. There is only one agenda in a collaborative case: to gather the necessary information and negotiate a settlement that is tailored to the reasonable needs of both spouses and their children. Collaborative is more streamlined, takes substantially less time for the attorneys, and, therefore, is a relatively inexpensive divorce process … Read More...

The court system is, by definition, adversarial. The system is set up to pit conflicting parties against each other. Justice is achieved – in theory – because the party with the most persuasive argument “wins.” When it comes to dissolving a marriage, however, this theory of justice is not borne out in experience. A divorcing couple’s “day in court” usually comes at an enormous price, depleting their financial resources and causing emotional damage. The adversarial system intensifies and prolongs conflict. Even in adversarial divorces settled “out of court,” the negotiations involve intimidation and power, again at excessive cost. To be sure – there are some situations (cases involving domestic violence, for example) where court action is necessary. In most divorce cases, though, there are no clear-cut villains and victims. Just hurt, angry people trapped in a system that promotes antagonism and distrust. Mediation is a viable alternative for some couples … Read More...