Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Divorcing a Narcissist

In my 35-year career as a divorce attorney, I have encountered some individuals – clients or the partner on the other side in a divorce – who were extraordinarily difficult. People who seemed to be in the divorce for the fight. People for whom “winning” was the sole consideration – at the cost of depleting their assets (“I’d rather go broke paying you [the attorney] than let my spouse get a penny.”) or – even worse – using their children as pawns in the conflict with their spouse. Don’t get me wrong. The stress of a divorce often brings out the worst in people. The pain of rejection can cause even the most rational and/or kind person to be overcome with anger. But fortunately, most people seem to be able to step back from their anger long enough to look at financial issues rationally and to behave in the best … Read More...

Co-Parenting and Holiday Schedule After Divorce

When a couple going through a divorce has had children together, there will have to be an ongoing co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting during the holidays is often fraught with conflict and stress, even many years after a divorce. We have all heard of couples who go back to court multiple times after their divorce to re-litigate holiday visitation issues that were “settled” through the adversarial process. The stress of the “holiday shuffle” can be reduced— or even eliminated –- when couples choose a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process allows the divorcing parents to structure a holiday plan for the children tailored to the needs of their specific situation. This brings to mind one of the most important reasons to consider a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process makes it possible for both divorcing partners to shape the provisions in a settlement agreement. The agreement can be fine-tuned to deal with the reasonable … Read More...

The Neutral Financial Specialist in Collaborative Divorce

A collaborative divorce can include a neutral collaborative financial specialist to help the divorcing couple and their attorneys. This financial specialist gathers and organizes relevant financial information and presents it in an understandable and unbiased manner. The financial specialist also explains tax consequences of the options that are discussed. Moreover, this expert can make valuable contributions to the brainstorming of options and solutions for settlement. The verse below summarizes the role of the neutral collaborative financial specialist: Financial experts are also brought into the collaborative case, Values, taxes, the bottom line, the numbers they embrace, These numbers wizards calculate, then what is their advice: “Get your needs met in a settlement, at trial you roll the dice.” © Arnold D. Cribari 2015

Divorce Coaches in Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative divorce is interdisciplinary: lawyers, mental health professionals and financial experts work together. Divorce coaches are mental health professionals that are often included on the collaborative team. Instead of providing in-depth therapy, they enhance communication and help resolve disputes by using their active listening skills. Their skills help reduce conflict and stress. The verse below explains the role of divorce coaches in collaborative divorces: To help us all communicate, coaches are brought in Coaches also help us handle emotional whirlwinds They are the best of peacemakers who give this wise advice: Get your needs met in a settlement At trial you roll the dice. © Arnold D. Cribari 2015

Choosing a Divorce Attorney: Why Hire a Settlement Professional?

You probably have more experience dealing with doctors than with divorce lawyers. You may find this analogy helpful. If you had a heart problem, you wouldn’t go to an orthopedist. If your goal is a good divorce settlement, then, why would you go to a trial lawyer? It makes more sense to choose an attorney with skills, training and experience in getting good settlements. In our medical analogy, a divorce trial is comparable to surgery. Surgery is risky, stressful and expensive. You don’t undergo surgery unless it’s absolutely necessary. A collaborative divorce is comparable to the medical approach to a problem. When dealing with an illness, usually the least risky treatment is recommended. Going to court is risky. Over my 30-plus-year care as a divorce lawyer, I have told countless clients, “Get your needs met in a settlement. At trial you roll the dice.” When confronted with a divorce, think … Read More...

Divorce via Mediation or Collaborative Practice: A Gift to Yourself

A priceless benefit that a divorcing couple can give to their children – and to themselves – is a mediated or collaborative divorce. Having just spent a delightful Father’s Day with my family, I was moved by an essay I read in TIME magazine by Susanna Schrobsdorff: “Happy Father’s Day to my ex-husband (really).” Eight years after her divorce, Schrobsdorff shares the hard-earned wisdom that “the kids need both of you. If you are lucky, you will be sitting next to this person [your ex-spouse] at graduations, weddings, baby showers and, yes, funerals for the rest of your lives. There is no divorce from the kinds of celebrations and crisis situations that require both of you to show up for your children and each other.” Divorce is painful and difficult, but it doesn’t have to be toxic. No matter how hurt and angry you are, you don’t have to let … Read More...

Divorce: Think Twice Before Going to Divorce Court

A divorce trial is comparable to an operation in the medical field. Both the divorce trial and the operation are serious, expensive, stressful and extremely risky. Whenever possible, responsible physicians recommend less risky alternatives than surgery like physical therapy or medicine. Likewise, when it comes to divorce, responsible divorce attorneys will recommend a settlement through collaborative divorce or mediation, rather than going through the court system. A divorce trial could turn out worse than an operation. Unlike an operation where most, if not all, of the expense is commonly covered by insurance, there is no such thing as insurance to cover the cost of a divorce trial. Unlike an operation, where the medical professionals almost always work as a team to promote healing, the divorce trial lawyers are each doing their best to attack, discredit and destroy each other as well as the other spouse. And how many operations take … Read More...

THINK MEDIATION OR COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE FIRST WHEN CONSIDERING A DIVORCE

There is some confusion about divorce process choices I want to clear up. Divorce mediation and collaborative divorce are the best options to consider for most divorcing couples. Mediation works great for couples who have an approximately equal balance of power in their relationship, and is the most economical of the divorce process choices.  In traditional divorce mediation, each spouse represents himself/herself in their negotiations that are facilitated by one neutral divorce mediator. Collaborative divorce is a form of mediation.  It is geared to more difficult cases where there is an unequal balance of power in the couple’s relationship.  Each spouse has his/her own collaboratively trained attorney, who can empower, advise and advocate for his/her client to correct any such power imbalances, and negotiate on an even playing field. In both mediation and collaborative divorce, it is important that each spouse asserts his/her needs and interests to the maximum extent, … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce Can Avert “Dirty Tricks”

Stu Webb, the attorney who invented Collaborative Divorce in 1990, made a critical point in an interview* he gave a few years ago: When the other side in a divorce litigation pulled “a dirty trick,” he often wondered whether the dirty trick came from the other lawyer or the other lawyer’s client. A divorce case can turn on a dirty trick. Unfortunately, issues as serious as long-term financial plans or even the custody of children can be determined by a dirty trick. The most malevolent dirty trick I ever experienced was in a child custody case many years ago. The case was going very well until the other spouse switched attorneys and hired a very high-priced divorce litigator. Shortly after the new attorney got involved, an accusation was made that the wife’s boyfriend sexually abused the parties’ 7-year old daughter. The husband ended up winning custody of the child. The … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce Empowers the Client

When I first suggest collaborative divorce to a prospective client, often their initial reaction is fear that suggesting a non-adversarial approach will make them look weak to their spouse. Although they would prefer to work things out reasonably, they are afraid that their spouse will see their reluctance to fight as an opportunity to take unfair advantage of them. This fear is understandable in our culture of “winners” and “losers.” Americans have been schooled in the Teddy Roosevelt philosophy of negotiation: “Speak softly, but carry a big stick.” Entering a divorce negotiation without a “big stick” – an aggressive lawyer – sounds like financial and emotional suicide. Yet, while some people may need an aggressive approach, they are the exception. Less than five per cent of all divorce cases go to trial; the rest settle out of court. So, in 95 per cent of divorce cases, a lawyer with excellent … Read More...