Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Choose to Divorce with Dignity

Choosing to divorce with dignity through a collaborative divorce is easier said than done. The verb “choose” implies that the person doing the choosing is making a “free” choice. Yet – unless the divorcing person is a robot or from the planet Vulcan – there are likely to be emotional factors that impinge on a divorcing person’s ability to choose freely. When someone has been hurt deeply by the person they once loved, the ability to make a rational decision is clouded by pain, sadness and anger. The word “collaborative” may raise some emotional red flags. The very idea of choosing to embark on a collaborative process with the person who hurt you may feel too vulnerable. Or, the concept may feel unjust. So – to make a decision in your own best interests – it is important to learn something about collaborative before rejecting it out of hand. And … Read More...

Article on Collaborative Law Featured in the Huffington Post

Collaborative divorce seems to be entering the mainstream. A recent blog post in the Huffington Post provides an excellent overview of collaborative law. When reading it, however, keep in mind that every state in the U.S. can be like a different country when it comes to divorce law AND attorney qualifications. New York has no lawyer specialty certifications. A law license in New York authorizes an attorney with no experience or knowledge beyond what it takes to pass the bar exam to practice any specialty he or she chooses. When choosing collaborative divorce lawyer in New York State, one should ask a prospective attorney how many years of experience he/she has practicing collaborative law, how much rigorous training he/she has had in collaborative skills, to what group(s) of collaborative divorce professionals does he/she belong, and what are the training requirements for membership in said group(s). With that caveat in mind, … Read More...

Why do a Prenuptial Agreement: Part 2

Prenuptial agreements typically address issues that would, otherwise, be decided by a judge in divorce court. Agreements can settle one or more of the following subjects: how assets (and debts) will be distributed during the marriage, and/or in the event of a death or a divorce each spouse’s entitlement to maintenance (i.e. alimony), including the amount and period of time of an alimony award each spouse’s right to property (whether owned individually or as a couple) each spouse’s right to buy, lease, sell, transfer or otherwise control property each spouse’s rights and responsibility in a family business each spouse’s right to death benefits from the other’s life insurance policy the state law which governs the agreement, or any other issue the couple agrees upon. Couples have a good deal of freedom in creating prenuptial agreements. There are, however, some issues that a “pre-nup” cannot cover. For example, an agreement cannot … Read More...

Why do a Prenuptial Agreement? Part 1

Many engaged couples use prenuptial agreements. Rather than a sure path to divorce, a prenuptial agreement can help a couple communicate about finances and child-rearing thereby preventing some arguments during the marriage. A prenuptial agreement is a contract between future spouses that settles issues of property and support in the event of death or divorce. In New York, a prenuptial agreement is made before the marriage and will take effect on the date of the marriage. “Prenups” must be in writing and signed by both future spouses and duly acknowledged before a notary public. (An oral prenup or an unsigned agreement won’t be upheld in court.) Who Should Get a Prenuptial Agreement? The rich and famous aren’t the only ones who need prenups. A single parent might want a prenup to protect her child’s inheritance. In some circumstances, a spouse may want to keep a family home or a business … Read More...

Affordable Divorce: Make a Prenuptial Agreement

Do you want to avoid paying a divorce lawyer in the future tens – maybe hundreds – of thousands of dollars? Consider making a prenuptial (before the marriage) or post-nuptial (after the marriage) agreement. The legal fees for such an agreement are a very small fraction of the legal fees that would be generated by a case in divorce court. No one should enter a marriage without making a whole-hearted commitment. Nevertheless, the reality is that almost half of marriages end in divorce. So, say “I do” with a sincere, heartfelt commitment, but – at the same time – be realistic and prepare for the possibility of a divorce. An iron clad prenuptial agreement can resolve all division of property issues as well as alimony/maintenance issues that would arise in the event of a divorce. The only unresolved issues could be child support and other issues related to children born … Read More...

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 3

If there is great conflict and/or power imbalances between you and your spouse, keeping your divorce affordable will be a challenge. The most affordable divorce processes, mediation and “kitchen table” divorces are not for you. It also may mean that collaborative divorce is not an option. But it still may be possible to keep costs within reason. You  may be tempted to look for the meanest, most aggressive courtroom lawyer (litigator) you can find. But, if affordability is an issue, do you want someone who will add exponentially to the “billable hours” you will have to pay for? It may be counter-intuitive, but consider hiring an experienced litigator who also has considerable training and experience in mediation and collaborative divorce. Why?  Because such a litigator has more skills in his/her negotiating toolbox, than the old school divorce “bomber.”  Old school divorce negotiation tactics usually exacerbate conflict, leading to months of … Read More...

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 2

As discussed in our prior blog post, the most affordable ways to divorce in Westchester County, NY, are the “kitchen table” divorce and mediation. Nevertheless, even if there are many points of disagreement and/or a power imbalance between you and your spouse, your divorce doesn’t have to break the bank. Collaborative divorce is another affordable option. A collaborative divorce can be a very good choice for couples in which there are some power imbalances in their relationship. Maybe one spouse has a stronger will than the other, is more articulate than the other, and/or has more money and information than the other spouse. Collaborative divorce also tends to be a better choice than mediation for complex divorce cases involving millions of dollars of assets and seven figure incomes. When considering what divorce process to choose, you might want to compare the divorce court to the operating room in medicine. Such … Read More...

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 1

Getting an affordable divorce in Westchester County, NY, is entirely possible. The first thing to do is to ask yourself these questions before getting started: Is this a simple divorce, with no complicated financial issues and no children? If not, do my spouse and I agree on the major issues involving the children, support, and division of property? Is there an equal balance of power between my spouse and me, meaning can both of us assert our needs without fear? Are we both willing to exchange important financial information? If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, you may be a candidate for a “kitchen table divorce,” or for mediation. A kitchen table divorce (also known as a “Starbucks divorce,”) means divorcing spouses reach an agreement between themselves on all major issues including child custody/visitation, support, and division of property. Then, one spouse hires an attorney to prepare … Read More...

Divorce Involving a Child with Autism

With April being Autism Awareness Month, I am reminded that – for a divorcing couple who has a child with special needs – a collaborative divorce offers the best way for the parents to come to an agreement on addressing the needs of the child. About ten years ago, I worked on a collaborative divorce in which the couple had two children, one of whom had been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I represented the husband, and another collaborative attorney, “Lisa,” represented the wife. The parties were having heated arguments about parental decision-making. The defining moment in the case occurred at a four-way settlement conference when, after a few niceties were exchanged, the wife suddenly lashed out at the husband, exclaiming how upset she was at his criticism of her decision-making with respect to their child, and the various therapies she wanted him to undergo. Specifically, she accused her husband … Read More...

Your Children and Divorce

When parents divorce, children undergo stress. Of course, divorcing parents are dealing with their own stress: grieving the loss of the marriage, anger at their spouse, anxiety over finances, worries about the children, and fear of the unknown. Nevertheless, helping your children cope with this major disruption in their lives is a must. Moreover, your child needs a good relationship with both parents, regardless of how the parents feel about each other. An excellent resource for divorcing parents is a Parent Handbook produced by the New York State Parent Education and Awareness Program. This 75-page booklet, written by mental health professionals, is full of practical advice for divorcing parents. For a pdf of the Handbook, click here: http://www.nycourts.gov/IP/parent-ed/pdf/ParentsHandbook.pdf I encourage divorcing parents to get some coaching on co-parenting from a mental health professional with expertise in this area. Look for a therapist who provides a focused form of counseling that … Read More...