Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Divorce Mediation and Saving the Marriage

Within the past year I served as the divorce mediator for a couple in which the wife was broken-hearted. Her husband had cheated on her and she confronted him with her proof: a shareholder certificate showing that the husband jointly owned a co-operative apartment with another woman who was unrelated to him. The husband denied having any romantic relationship with the other woman. His explanation for the shareholder’s certificate, which he had tried to conceal from the wife, was the following: 1. he needed to make more money than he earned at his salaried job in order to pay for college for the couple’s two children and maintain the family’s middle-class lifestyle; 2. the other woman was a real estate broker who showed him the co-operative apartment, they jointly invested in it because it was such a golden opportunity, they never had sex or lived together, and she now lives … Read More...

Support Guidelines: New York Divorce Mediator’s Best Friend

Why are the New York maintenance (alimony) and child support guidelines of the State of New York a divorce mediator’s best friend? The New York State legislature created the maintenance and child support guidelines in order to make the amounts of support more uniform throughout New York State. This is a very good thing for a divorcing couple, their children, and society. Many of my divorce lawyer colleagues are critical of these support guidelines. At a cocktail party they might tell me that such guidelines result in simple minded calculations that are unjust or unfair to one or both parties. The real reason they are so critical is that the guidelines help reduce divorce litigation and attorneys’ fees. Another very good thing about the support guidelines is that in order to make a binding maintenance and child support agreement in New York, the guidelines calculations must be set forth in … Read More...

New York Divorce: Choose Your Divorce Lawyer Carefully

Are you a New York State resident considering a divorce? Buyer beware! As mentioned in my last blog, if your divorce is not a genuine emergency, avoid the Charon-like* divorce lawyer who will unnecessarily subject you to the tortures of the damned at your great expense. The good news is that there are other New York divorce lawyers who take a different approach. At the initial consultation, they will explain all of the divorce process choices including mediation and collaborative law. Instead of unnecessarily rushing off to divorce court, these peacemakers will help you make an out of court divorce settlement consistent with your reasonable needs and interests, and those of your children and spouse. Not only will such a divorce settlement save you tons of money, it will also greatly increase your chances of having a good aftermath to your divorce, which could be a priceless benefit. Think about … Read More...

New York Divorce: Don’t Start by Filing in Court

In New York State, only divorces involving genuine emergencies should start by filing in Court. In Greek mythology “Charon” is a mercenary ferryman who takes deceased souls across the river Styx through the gates of Hell. Charon also happens to be the larger of the two moons orbiting the planet Pluto. Being both a New York divorce lawyer and an astronomy buff, I have wondered: does my occupation make me similar to Charon? Indeed, many people will tell you that going through a divorce in the New York State court system is Hell. That said, whether a divorce lawyer is Charon-incarnate hinges on how he or she practices their profession! A Charon-like divorce lawyer will try to capitalize on the client’s matrimonial misfortune by unnecessarily and immediately filing the case in Court. This is done to justify payment of a five-figure retainer. Such a lawyer will say this filing in … Read More...

Minimizing the Damages for the Primary Breadwinner in a New York Divorce

In most, but not all, divorces, one spouse is the primary breadwinner and earns most of the family income, and the other spouse is the primary care-giver of the children. Assuming the spouse focusing on the children is doing a good job, that spouse has the right to receive substantial maintenance and child support when a New York divorce court applies the support guidelines formulas. What can the New York divorce lawyer do for the primary breadwinner client? 1. Consider an out of court divorce settlement process such as divorce mediation or collaborative divorce if the facts warrant the use of such a settlement process. Such settlement processes are almost always substantially more economical than litigation and a trial, and are better for tailoring a settlement consistent with needs and interests. 2. If a substantial part of the primary breadwinner’s income is in the form of a variable annual bonus, … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

On December 7, 2017, Pauline Tesler, Esq., a California lawyer who has been a pioneer in collaborative divorce practice, gave a presentation before the New York Association of Collaborative professionals entitled “The Art and Craft of Deep Peace.” During that presentation, Pauline shared Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (“Maslow’s Pyramid”). In the context of a divorce, Maslow’s Pyramid breaks down the various needs that a spouse going through a divorce may have:                   At the base of Maslow’s Pyramid are basic needs. Basic needs include physiological needs (food, water, warmth, rest) and safety needs (security, safety). The “snake brain” is the part of the human brain hell-bent to satisfy those needs. When basic needs are threatened, they trump all other needs higher up on Maslow’s Pyramid. The snake brain is the most primitive part of the human brain. When something triggers the snake … Read More...

NY Maintenance Guidelines in High Income Cases: The Wild West

For New York divorce cases commenced since January 23, 2016, a maintenance (alimony) guidelines formula will usually be applied to determine the amount and duration of maintenance. Schedule a consultation with me and I can calculate the amount and duration of maintenance following your divorce by applying a formula in this new statute to the facts of your case. This new law, now only 20 months old, is embryonic. To date, there has not been enough time for high income divorce cases with maintenance issues to go to trial, and for aggrieved litigants to file appeals and for such appeals to be decided by appellate courts. There are no New York appellate court decisions interpreting this new statute at this time. As one of my attorney colleagues recently told me, divorce court is like the Wild West when he makes arguments in high income maintenance cases. What happens when a … Read More...

Divorcing Parents in Westchester County, NY: Meet Your Child’s Needs — Choose Collaborative Divorce or Mediation

With April being Autism Awareness Month, I am reminded that – for a divorcing couple who has a child with special needs – a collaborative divorce offers the best way for the parents to come to an agreement on addressing the needs of the child. About ten years ago, I worked on a collaborative divorce in Westchester County in which the couple had two children, one of whom had been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I represented the husband, and another collaborative attorney, “Lisa,” represented the wife. The parties were having heated arguments about parental decision-making. The defining moment in the case occurred at a four-way settlement conference when, after a few niceties were exchanged, the wife suddenly lashed out at the husband, exclaiming how upset she was at his criticism of her decision-making with respect to their child, and the various therapies she wanted him to undergo. Specifically, she … Read More...

In a Collaborative Divorce, You – the Client – Have the Power

I recently participated in a Collaborative Six-Way Meeting, which comprised both spouses, their lawyers, a divorce coach and a financial specialist. During this meeting, my collaborative counterpart was very aggressive. While that tactic can work in a case being negotiated through the court system, an overly aggressive attorney in a collaborative divorce is less effective. My collaborative colleague is a well-trained collaborative attorney, and well intentioned. However, she still does a lot of divorce litigation, and that affects her collaborative practice. In divorce litigation (court based), being aggressive can be very effective because of where the power lies. In litigation the power rests primarily with the Judge, secondarily with the attorneys, to the extent they can persuade the Judge or intimidate or outfox the other side. The clients have virtually no power. Indeed, during a trial the clients can only speak during the limited period of time that it is … Read More...

Westchester Collaborative Divorce Lawyer Goes to Trial

After 38 years as a divorce attorney in Westchester County, New York, I can state with absolute certainty that divorce court is toxic, sometimes comparable to descending into Dante’s “Inferno.” It was my hellish experience in divorce trials that drove me to explore collaborative divorce and mediation, and, ultimately, to become a settlement specialist. Most divorce cases can and should be done collaboratively or through mediation. Once in a while, though, a trial is necessary. Such was the case when a man crossed my threshold several months ago, having represented himself in preliminary divorce court proceedings. The trial “train had already left the station,” so to speak, and this man was going to have to face his wife’s attorney in court, with himself as his only legal representation. Three weeks before the trial, he realized that it would be wise for him to get his own attorney, and so he … Read More...