This is a sequel to my e-newsletter and blog last month about how to avoid a bad divorce, which can be as destructive as a car crash with serious injuries. Much of the following is “preventative medicine” to save a marriage before it becomes a troubled one. Every marriage needs a balance of “togetherness” and “separateness.” That balance is different for every couple. And it may differ for the same couple during different phases of the marriage. Part of the ongoing work of marriage (yes – marriage takes work) is negotiating and renegotiating the balance that is right for the two of you. Let’s say that you and your spouse have widely divergent interests. If this is the case – first of all – don’t think of this as a problem! Many people make the mistake of being jealous of the time their spouse spends on interests or hobbies. Now … Read More...

It may seem a bit crazy for a divorce lawyer and mediator to write about ways to save a marriage. I got the idea from an owner of an auto body shop who would speak at business networking groups about how to avoid motor vehicle accidents. A bad divorce is like a car crash. Much harm and expense can result from both, except if a car crash does not result in serious physical injury, it may be better than a divorce. Why?  Because there is usually insurance to pay much of the expenses, whereas there is no insurance to defray the cost of a divorce. The auto body guy and I are both idealistic and very consumer-oriented. We both know the world would be a better place if there were fewer car accidents and more saved marriages. Those are worthwhile goals even if it means that we both make less … Read More...

  COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE    LITIGATION DIVORCE The couple controls the process and make final decisions. Judge controls the process and makes final decisions. The process is affordable: costs are limited. The process is much more expensive. There can be unforeseen expenses, such as post-judgement litigation and appeals.  The couple determines the timing of events in a collaborative divorce.  Timing of events is dictated by the Judge.  The couple chooses and retains experts and specialists who can guide them in achieving MUTUALLY beneficial solutions.  Specialists and experts may be chosen and retained separately and therefore couple encounters higher expenses. Collaborative lawyers brainstorm solutions that benefit both parties and their children.  Each party’s lawyer fights to win. Some litigators prefer trials to maximize their fees at the clients’ greatest expense.  The couple communicates openly and honestly while keeping negotiation private and confidential.  Communication is one-sided and Court -driven while information is not … Read More...

How the case Started? – At initial consultation, Mr. C. (the husband) wanted a Collaborative Divorce. Why? – He liked the benefits: – Economic divorce – save money on legal fees and preserve the marital estate – Control – not to naively put your destiny in the hands of a Judge (a stranger). – We both communicated with Mrs. C. (the Wife) regarding Collaborative Law and its benefits and gave her a brochure and website so she could find a good Collaborative attorney for herself. – all to no avail – she did nothing for 6 months – so, Mr. C. hired me to start a divorce litigation Retainer – Ability to have an economic divorce starts being eroded – Retainers typically higher for a divorce litigation than a Collaborative Divorce. – divorce litigation is much more time consuming. – So, you pay substantially more up front for litigation that … Read More...

When you think that your happy marriage is coming to an end, but deep down you know that your children will be severely affected by it, you might want to consider Collaborative Divorce or Mediation first. To avoid any misconceptions and /or confusion: collaborative divorce and mediation are not the same. However, both are protective of children and prevent a potentially destructive and traumatized experience. Other authors have called a collaborative divorce “The Good Divorce”. Mediation is for couples who can each compete on a relatively even playing field, where there is a minimal, if any, power imbalance in their relationship. It is simpler and usually more affordable than collaborative, but it is also a child-friendly option like collaborative. Mediation does not require each party to hire his/her own divorce lawyer but, instead, one neutral mediator facilitates a negotiation between the parties to reach a meeting of the minds for … Read More...

Settle Maintenance (Alimony) before December 31 of this year: If you have exposure to paying maintenance, which is the term used in New York for alimony, you can save a lot of money by immediately retaining an attorney to make a legally binding agreement settling the maintenance issue. Such an agreement could be a Separation Agreement. Time is of the essence, however, because if maintenance is resolved by December 31, 2018, the new Tax reform Act provides that the payor will get a tax deduction for it. If not, the payor will not be able to deduct it. You will need an Attorney that has the time available to help you make such a settlement by December 31, 2018. Other ways to save money in a Divorce: 1. Organize your documents. 2. Do not call your lawyer to ask questions every day, unless it is an emergency. Instead, make a … Read More...

The inspiration for my recent article entitled “The Most Affordable Divorce,” was a recent matter in which I was hired by a couple, very much in love, to serve as their mediator to help them negotiate a Prenuptial Agreement. The bride was young and financially middle class, and the groom was older and a high net worth individual. What made this matter most compelling was that in 2017, each party had hired his/her own high priced, aggressive lawyer, and the negotiation became so adversarial that the Prenuptial Agreement was never finalized and executed, and the couple called off their marriage and split up! Fortunately, love triumphed, the couple got back together and resumed the negotiation of their prenuptial agreement keeping lawyers out of it. A few more facts are important to shed light on this couple’s situation and concerns. The groom had a net worth in excess of $35,000,000, annual … Read More...