Some 40-odd years ago I chose the profession of law because of a deep-seated respect for our legal system, and a desire to help people. As an idealist, I believed that “the law” – in a democratic republic such as ours – is the sine qua non of a civilized society. Law enables us to substitute words, wisdom and reason for weapons, fisticuffs, or abusive language. The courts administer the law, providing a safe container for conflict.
That’s what I thought. Then I became a divorce lawyer.
The courts are adversarial: their goal is to bring justice to light by pitting opposing parties and competing arguments against each other. Justice is served, the theory goes, because the party with the most compelling argument “wins.”
No Winners in an Adversarial Divorce
Unfortunately, when dissolving a marriage, this adversarial system – rather than containing the conflict – often prolongs and intensifies it. Divorce court hardly provides “a safe container” for conflict. There, cross-examination and personal attacks can deepen the conflict and generate monumental attorneys’ fees.
I had become a divorce lawyer to help people through a traumatic time in their lives – like an “emergency room lawyer.” To my dismay, I found myself part of a system that was exacerbating the trauma! More and more, I was feeling that – by participating in the adversarial system – I was part of the problem.
Then I discovered Collaborative Divorce. Divorce is never a picnic, but collaborative divorce offers the best hope for the vast majority of divorcing couples. From my perspective, after years of divorce litigation and collaboration, it is the collaborative ex-spouses who “win” in the long term.
I finally have a way to achieve the idealistic goal I had as a young man: to help people through a traumatic time in their lives, and alleviate their trauma. Thanks to Collaborative Divorce – I have found a safe container for conflict.
The collaborative process works because it is based on spiritual principles: the interconnectedness of all creation.
Please enjoy this song-video, which is a paean to our interconnectedness.
